Iwe you not dying anytime soon…. (Quietly in the back of my
head telling myself, I hope he can’t tell…..)We have so much to talk about.
These are some of the awkward moments I had with you brah. But you where always
2 steps ahead of me. example you gave me that colored sketch portrait that dad
had made for mum and said,” Leroy I haven’t got place to put this up but you
can do the right thing with this picture”. guess where I put it…in the sitting
room just by the entrance so that all the people I LET into my house know that
we were born of angel blood .I miss telling you about my problems and you happy
that I was a wuss around you because size apart, you was big bro and yes I have
the battle scars to prove that fact(although I still don’t know what we were
fighting or competing over).the situ is like this, me and sibeso still going
strong. When I hooked up with her you were skeptical about us and all these
years peeps thought you was hating….nah nigga I knew what you was doing. You
wanted me to realize she was of good caliber and that I couldn’t be relaxed or
average about that so you kept on my toes. “I like sibeso because she’s the
only girl I’ve see grow up, actually GROW UP.” Never will forget the day you
accepted my wifey, future mother of my child/dren (yeah she HEAVILY Prego right
now) and the girl who tamed the lion. Your last few months were the hardest
times of my life ever, because I always thought you where gonna live forever,
forever ever, FOREVER EVER!!!(Yeah they haven’t released an album yet) but I
remember you saying “you have it figured out?”Nah nigga without you I am lost
mi blood. I still cry myself to sleep, my workmates couldn’t see but I kept
crying on your birthday, feverish from anguish, disappointment and pain. I have
failed to be the best bro to mpande, best son to the parents and after all is
said and done I haven’t been the best younger bro….no song ,verse, poem shit I don’t even rep your name the way I
think I shoulda been. but then again you
left big shoes to fill and maybe the whole stepping up to the batter of being
the oldest Banda man of our generation ( gramps passed on too so ba robe Mr.
Banda snr than uncle musman Mr. Banda so iam now Mr. B jr).but iam still a
movie, music, art, sports comic, general knowledge buff and you’re the one
person who actually liked the fact that I am a nerd. Me and Rodney closer now
after you left but the whole crew kindly grew apart and so I’m back to being
the old , quiet , reserved Leroy and without your outgoing personality that
always lit up a room, am back to having not many friends. can talk all day and
all night bout how much I miss ya and how things have changed but the truth of
the matter and the main reason for writing this is to tell you that……no more. No
more weakness on my part no more Childs play no more effing around. All my life,
all the time we spent together, all the fighting and advice and pushing and
urging every last convo we had was you preparing me for the world as a man and
the past 365 day made me realize that you made me who iam today and I’ll never
forget that or let my kids grow up without knowing that their uncle was beyond
a star he was LUKASTAR my big brother. And
I can finally show the world what you wanted of me….to be whatever I want to be….
IN MEMORY OF MY BROTHER LUKAS (I.M.O.M.B.L) 15 MAY/1985 – 17 MAY/2011 (THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL)
