To be or not to be: why is that the question?

“You’re too Old to still be listening to this music”……………… keep this comment in mind

Regardless of your background or basic education or whatever social or economic factor, if your reading this, THIS a blog post on the internet, then you have heard of Shakespeare and his famous “to be or  not to be?” question. I never really got it but like my bio suggests I see things different and most recently now that I’m older I can sort of use it In my own way.so here goes…..

I’m a product of the 80s disco period so we all know what that means , young hip parents who are still establishing themselves in the world . my parents were really into music like REALLY and so was my fave uncle/ mentor (I will always miss you r.i.p “bossnigger”) so 80s funk,disco,90’s rnb, hip hop, new jack swing everything was a common feature in the house .i took a very strong attachment to hip hop…I mean who wouldn’t grandmaster flash, sugerhill gang ,run dmc , ll coolj , rakim , NWA etc. and me and my brother were the only infants on the block who seemed to be allowed to play that music and watch “YO mtv raps” (yeah this is way, way before TRL and rap city) and so my father bought a snoop doggy dogg (yes he was called snoop doggy dogg a long time ago”) “doggystyle” cd for us when I was around 6 or 7 I think.At the time I think it was harmless but when I look back now I thing that decision single handedly changed my life. Till today that is the most precious material item I ever possessed. I could rap along to that cd 1-18, heck my father would on Saturday morning play the cd and ask me to recite songs for him and his friends and my uncles Joe Jackson style. So I think you get the point that hip hop is and will always be a part of me and my being .

Skip forward a few years and yeah music still playing a big part in my life but then am a teen so is basketball, girl chasing and fame seeking. Then in the 11 grade  the whole world caved in when my mom (M.H.S.R.I.P) passed away….my father and I weren't  the closest of individuals, my brother and I learnt about hardships the hard way, I fell into teenage alcoholism , I learnt about weed and so on , well basically I was a mess. I became societies nightmare, a teenage miscreant with no hope for nada.but I still had hip hop. I would listen to all forms of rap and by now my taste shifted to a more dark lyrical realm of rap because now we had dmx and nas and jay-z , we lost big and Pac and so the music was more “gangster” and portrayed a more dark imagine so it was no longer as acceptable. But I got to freestyling and penning down lyrics. I was like 15 now but I was writing my own songs since like 10 but now I had things to right about. Now I have never written raps to be a rap star or fame coz for me rap is a deeper escape for reality. And I rapped and freestyled every day of my life for years i read every mag watched every video and when the internet boomed in Lusaka I had artist bios printed out and stuck on my bedroom wall. I mean rap took me away from a world of pain that constantly was crushing me.my uncle the bossnigger passed away , my  cool aunts passed on (aunty mavis and aunty esnart words can’t express the emptiness) friends started dying and committing suicide I finished school now so I was out there doing nothing. Then my dad made another life changing choice for me he told me “tomorrow prepare yourself early we are going to town together, I’ve gotten you a job”

That job taught me all the skills I’m surviving on till this day and I will never forget that (BIG ZEE I see you).but hip hop helped my through it all because no matter the death, the struggle the hurdle the was a rap song that I could totally relate to like “this song feels like it was written for me”. And the years went by, we lost dad, and even though we were not the closest, nowadays I realize how I grew up to be like him and he taught me to stand on my own 2 and I will always remember the life lessons he taught me.i was getting older I was in a relationship now with my khaleesi, bluberri. actually I have made 2 cds for her with the most “romantic “ rap songs of our time , so she knows what hip hop is to me.but whilst all this is happening I was to busy loathing in my sorrows to realize that hip hop changed course. The bling era, bright clothes, tighter clothing, beef beef beef, crunk and hyphy….it was designed for a younger generation now. I was too old to dress hip hop, I was too old to talk the “language” (imagine me going to my current boss and saying “I need this graft bally”); I was too old to be hip hop in this society.

“You’re too Old to still be listening to this music” that’s what my older colleagues would say, “ma nimbo yama yo bally” others would say. I know someone that says “nimbo yama horse” lol (chileshe puta)

I got my own pad now, I’m with the girl of my dreams, I can fend for myself and I can see so much more for the future.my biggest blow was when my brother passed away last year because he was my best friend and with only 1 yrs. difference between us he was there for me my whole life. He eventually embraced hip-hop as he was a smooth dude so he was more rnb, and we recorded a few songs here and there but the last 2 are the ones I will always hold close like, after all the years we finally voiced out some things through song.

So now that you know my personal relationship with hip hop culture do you still think it’s fair that I cannot be ME because I have to fit into societies standard of a 26 yr. old male living in urban Lusaka failure to which I am just another “yo” “exse” or “yo bally” when everyone else gets to be whatever they want just because hip hop has got a certain way of being seen by others who clearly don’t understand it.

So for me TO BE HIPHOP OR NOT TO BE isn’t my question but my question is why it is a question in the first place